Silly Shenanigans & Fun with Civilians and the Media

There is a side of firehouse life that you, the civilian, never really see. Sure, you've probably seen us fight a fire or work at an accident but theres a side of the job most are unaware of. Quite honestly, the only I can explain the half of it is with a line I'm sure you have all heard, "Boys may get bigger, but they never grow up." Now, that's not to say we're all a bunch of immature adults. Simply look at what we do on a daily basis, and it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that, to some degree, you gotta have a pretty good head on our shoulders to mentally deal with what we do and or see on any given day. But within our professionalism, there's a thin slice of fun, a release from the stresses of the job. Not to mention it passes the time when business is slow.
The fun can come at just about anytime, and any form. Although it seems to ramp up a bit during the slow periods (a stretch of time where call volume goes down & your left with a lot of free time) Also, and more importantly, it is non discriminatory. Everyone from the Chief down to the Junior firefighter is a target. (Ok, well not so much the Chief, but some of us have been know to test the waters) So to be a firefighter, you better have a good sence of humor and be able to take a joke or two.....or three.
Now, in the grand scheme of pranks around the firehouse, there are rules. No (serious) bodily harm, no touching someone's personal vehicle, if for some accidental reason personal property is damaged the "prankster" is always liable, nothing that will delay an emergency response and absolutely no touching someone's gear. Other than that, it's fair game and all about opportunity.
The shower is ways a good time to pull a prank. It can be something like patiently waiting for some one who's getting a shower to shut the water off. Then, having an accomplice yank the shower curtain back and you throw an entire container of powdered sweetened iced tea mix on the poor bastard who had just finished getting a shower....another good one (as long as your willing to pay to have it recharged) is getting a CO2 fire extinguisher and spraying it in the shower while they're in there....instantly turning every bit of moisture into ice, and if you do it just right, you can make it snow.
Turning someone's bunk into a fish bowl with shrink wrap is one of those rights if passage, you know, something that happens to just about everyone....while they're still sleeping in it of course. The bunk room was always a "deadly" place. A large room with 10 bunk beds and referred to as the "bat cave" because 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, its always dark. Usually the attacks happen in the evening while everyone's going to bed. But sometimes, in the middle of the night, all hell breaks loose and you partake in a huge pillow fight or maybe a game of full contact football.
Waking up to answer the direct phone line to dispatch can be dangerous as well. It was nothing to see someone walking across the bunk room to answer the phone & watch them drop like a ton of bricks. The unsuspecting victim of an Airsoft or blow gun round. (both leave a mark and sting like hell)
During a lull in fire calls, It's not uncommon to someone say "Hey, I got a cool idea..." It's usually these very same words that gives a chief chest pain because a "cool idea" usually isn't really a "good" one per-say, and almost always begs the question "what or who is going get get broken." The "who" is usually a Probie (probationary firefighter). For example, a probie NEVER mouths off to a senior man.....cause when they do they could very well find themselves strapped to a spare stretcher....at the top of a hill. Now, before you sit back and gasp "They wouldn't!?" there are two things you need to know. First and foremost, Yes, we most certainly would and second, there isn't a prank and/or stunt that's been pulled where safety hasn't been seriously considered. Many of potentially epic ideas had been scrapped on account of safety. So, before the Probie shoves off, carefull consideration has been given to angle, trajectory, placing the stretcher in the "load position" so it's perfectly flat and about 8 inches off the ground for a lower center of gravity. Then when we're all pretty sure it's good to go....it's time for launch.
The launch is good....quickly gets in the groove and is staying nice and straight. Then as we stand in amazement that it worked someone calmly says "Shit......we didn't figure on the storm drain..."
I looked back down the road to see the stretcher catch the storm drain and flip head over feet, landing the poor bastard flat on his face in the grass. Certain he's dead....we rush down to flip him over, and someone says "If he's gotta go to the hospital, at least he's already on the backboard AND the stretcher." Anyways, as bad as it could have been...it was a few stitches, and we all laughed about it....even the Probie.... once the bleeding stopped.
Civilians are also fun. We don't prank them as we would one of the guys but sometimes it's impossible to not have a laugh at their expense.
For example, while directing traffic at a vehicle accident with an overturned suv, a motorist pulls up and asks if he can get through, obviously the white suv on its roof in plain site 30 yards or so behind us did tip him off so he's politely told no and that he has to find another He then asks what happened and without missing a beat, one of the guys tells him there was a plane crash.....and the motorist believed him....even called & told his wife while he was sitting there....with the overturned vehicle still in plain sight.
Then theres the Ignorant civilians. They almost always get something from us, and it may be a biased opinion, but its done rightfully so. You would probably be amazed at some of the stuff we deal with from bystanders during an emergency. It's as if the house on fire isn't keeping us busy enough. I remember one time at a fire, I had arrived on the third in engine (third engine to arrive on scene) and as I'm grabbing my tolls, some guy starts shaking my shoulders and asks "Can you move that hose? I have to pick up a suit and I can't get out of my driveway."
I looked at him with a slightly confused expression and said
"No hablo Inglés." Then I turned and went to work. I did tell the Chief about the guy just incase he tried to drive over the hose and it's not a small hose, its the big yellow hose that connects to the hydrant to supply us with water, so it's kind of important and yes, people do actually try to drive over it. When the fire was deemed under control and the hose line shut down, the Chief found me and said go move tho hose and let that guy get out.
So I walked over, knocked on the door and when he answered I politely, in very clear, plain English, told him he could go now. He thanked me then you could tell by the look on his face that it hit him....I was the same guy that didn't speak English. I just shot him a smile and a nod then turned to go finish cleaning up.
Then there's the media...I understand they're just trying to do their job but they can be a huge hassle. As in I actually had one step in front of me for comment as I was walking into a high rise with active fire on the top floor....
"Excuse me sir, can you tell me what's going on."
With the camera and the mic in my face, I calmly replied "I'm still down here because there's some fucking idiot in my way, so I'm not sure what's going on yet."
She failed to find the humor in it.
Then one night we got the Chief and the media too. While cleaning up one night after a fire, I noticed the Chief step aside with a reporter to do his interview. So I grab two guys and fill them in on my idea. They agree to help so the 3 of us take up position in a way where the reporter won't see us and patiently watch as he and the chief get ready for the interview. Then once they get started, we pop out from behind the ladder truck, in plain site of the chief and begin "posing" in the most inappropriate sexual positions you can do with 3 people. The chief can see us plain as day and did try to complete the interview, but it just wasn't going to happen & he busted out laughing....as did we. We then disappeared behind the ladder truck again so that if the reporter turned around, we'd be gone. Back at the station after the call, we were cleaning tools and such when I hear my name get called... "Report to the Chief's office..." So I walk in and hear "Shut the door & grab a seat."
(this is usually not good)
"What's up Chief?"
He just sat there and glared....then said in a rather stern tone of voice... "Do you realize how un professional that was, I should have you suspended, and your cohorts too!.....What do you have to say for yourself?"
I stumble for the right words....."Well Chief...I just thought...."
"No, you obviously weren't thinking!"
I thought to myself.... "Well, I thought he found it funny but this one obviously backfired....big time."
I prepared myself to take the heat and imagined I'd get suspended for a week or two.....the big man was pissed. But before I could say anything, the chief bellowed "And your obviously not thinking now! Because if you were you'd be able to figure out that was one of the funniest fuckin things I've ever seen..." And he busts into hysterics again and then busted out with "GOT YA!" And yes he did and he had gotten me good.
So you see, when its time to work, we work. But shenanigans are never far away....and neither are pay backs.

Dear Penthouse.....

I saw this cartoon today and it reminded me of a time I was put in a similar situation.
We were working at a local high rise apartment building for a fire on the 5th floor. I had arrived riding Irons on the truck and was assigned evacuation of the 4th floor. "Irons" was my riding position. My primary job would be forceable entry, prying doors, cutting hinges and basically breaking into anything we need to check for occupants and possibly even fire. Why would we have to go door to door in a building that's on fire ? Well,at most multi-family residential buildings, false alarms or burnt food calls are so common that most people learn to ignore the fire alarm and don't evacuate until we're pounding on their door. And the most common phrase uttered in embarrassment as they frantically shutter out the door is, "I thought it was another false alarm." Another good one is "I didn't hear the fire alarm"....(I think they actually expect us to believe them.) Then, there are those lovely people who are totally ignorant towards us and refuse to leave until they are threatened with being arrested. (Yes, we really can do that)
And, of course, there are the doors no one answers....these we have to force. In laymen's terms, we break into the apartment to make sure it's not on fire and no one is home. Some times you find them asleep and as you can probably imagine, they're pretty shocked and at first pretty pissed off that your standing in their apartment. But they too eventualy make their way out. So basically the job is kinda like a Cracker Jack box cause you never know what's kind of "prize" is behind each door.
My partner on this call was a guy we called "Shleprock" or "Shlep" for short. Shlep was a damn good fireman one of the best I've worked with and strong as an ox too. He would carry any tool he could grab along with what was required for his riding position. We made the 4 story hike with all our equipment and decided we would work our way from one end of the hallway to the other, Shelp on one side and myself on the other.
We make our way down the hall pounding on doors & telling the tenants of the fire upstairs and that they need to leave their apartments. We decide skip forcing the doors with no answer until after we clear the rest of the floor and just continue on our way pounding in doors and clearing the floor if its tenants. When get to the end of the hall and are about to work our way back down the hall clearing the 3 or 4 "empty" apartments when we suddenly hear loud dance music. It's the kind of techno stuff they play at dance clubs. Shelp walks up to one of the doors that no one answered and in a puzzled voice says "It's coming from in here." As I approach him at the door, the door across from the one with the music opens, and a little old guys pokes his head out for a second then shuts the door.
Shlep, even more puzzled asks "Didn't you check that one?"
Now just as confused as him, I nod and walk upto the door with the little old man behind it.
I beat on it again, and Shlep starts pounding on the door with the music.
The little old guy opens his up again and asks what's going on. I tell him about the fire and that he needs to leave the building. He then, steps past me to tap on Shleps arm to get his attention. Shlep, still pounding on the door across the hall, turns and says "Someone's in there... I hear laughing...it sounds like a girl."
And the Little old man says, "Those two are a wild bunch....they probably won't answer the door so save your energy and quit making all that racket."
We all chuckle, then I set my tools down in the hall to help the old man collect his meds and start out of the building and Shlep, well, he was still pounding on the door, still with music blasting, and no answer.
At this point, we're getting pissed. We know theres someone in there and we've beat on the door loud enough that someone actually made a report on the radio from the fire floor that they can hear someone pounding. It's at this point we decide to force the door. So as I begin to I turn away from the door and grab the rabbit tool (small hand pumped hydraulic ram for forcing doors open) I hear the music get softer and then the latch on the door click. So I turn around to to see the door open up and standing there, in nothing more than an un-tied white silk robe and small (very small) black panties, is a gorgeous blonde. Then, from in the room behind her, I hear another girl ask "Who's here?" And just then a gorgeous brunette comes out of a room into view of the door. She is also wearing an untied robe and small (very small) red panties and sipping on a glass of wine.
In a provocative tone of voice, the blonde answers "They're firemen."
The brunette shoots back with a "Oooo really?....can we keep them?"
Now I can only imagine the look on our faces as we stood in a state of shock and in total awe of what was before us. I mean, when clearing a floor at a high rise fire, the last thing any fireman would expect to open the door is a scantily clad women of Playboy centerfold caliber, let alone two of them.
As I fumble to hold my tools while I pick my jaw up off the floor, Shlep utters "Good evening ladies, we're here to let you know that there a fire upstairs and that you should evacuate."
The Blond runs here hand softly down the side of Shleps face and says to her friend "They're here to save us..."
The brunette, now also standing in the door replies "Well I didn't call them but since they're here, I could use some good mouth to mouth...."
They both giggle, then the blonde, starts to stroke Shleps roof hook and adds ".....and it seems they both brought their "tools" with them."
The brunette then jumps in and starts to unclasp my coat and says "....do they have their suspenders.....firemen are sooo much hotter with suspenders on...."
Then she tugs on my coat, pulling me across the threshold and into the apartment, giggles then says "I think we'll be safer if you two stay here, after all, the only thing better than smoke detectors is having your own fireman."
The blonde quickly adds, "And we have two of them, one for each of us."
Now by this point, I dunno what the hells going on.....we came up to clear a floor and some how ended up in the beginnings of a Letter to Penthouse, and the building is still actively burning. We do our best to maintain some level of professionalism, but its hard to keep a though straight as your mind takes off in a thousand different directions as you try and figure out what the hell is going on. Not that we needed help figuring out what it appeared they wanted, but I mean really, when does shit like this happen in real life?
Anyway, Shlep tells them again, "Ladies, we're flattered, we really are, but this isn't a joke, there is a fire upstairs and we need to get you out of the building."
The blonde, now with a slightly surprised look on her face, has picked up on the urgency amongst the crackling in Shleps voice and shoots back "Really!?..... Oh my god! Are you serious!?" Then turns to the brunette and says "We better get going, maybe next time....."
At this point, both women, from what we told them and the radio traffic, realized that this in fact isn't another false alarm but an actual fire. They hastily run back into a bed room, shut the music off and throw on some close, then make their way out of the apartment and down the hall. Only stopping for a moment to thank us and invite us back when there isn't a fire. Then they each gave us a hug and a kiss and off they went.
Now back in the hallway, we just stood there & watched them leave. As the stairwell door closed behind them Shlep turned to me and asked "Did that really just happen."
"I think so Shlep....but I'm not totally sure?...." I answered.
We then quietly went about our business clearing the last two apartments, then reported to command that the floor was clear and waited for a new assignment. A few minutes later the fire was reported out so we gathered up our tools and returned to the rig.
A few guys asked how it went, obviously curious as to if we ran into anything out of the ordinary. We told them it was just the usual idiots. But obviously the looks on our faces told a different story. Even one if my Asst. Chiefs could tell something was up and relentlessly hounded us while we cleaned up to find out what happened but we kept brushing him off too. After all, how do you explain that? It wasn't until after we got back to the firehouse and were cleaning up that we told them about our little encounter. Some of the guys believed us, others didn't, and quite honestly, I can't say I blame the ones that didn't. In fact, had I not been there, I probably wouldn't believe it myself.